Sunday, 4 January 2015

I resolve be a good friend, to care for myself and for those I love do something creative every day, whether it is writing or drawing or sewing or baking or making chutney, or whatever else comes along be patient with myself and others eat healthily and spend time outdoors regularly, and to have solitude and company, each in good measure, when I need them keep moving along my own path do what is necessary, and remember that pleasure is also a necessity remember I am not responsible for everyone else's feelings

...and to follow my bliss.

It's amazing to realise, writing these things down, how quickly the self-censoring inner voice starts up, expressing shock and misgiving about such a self-indulgent, self-absorbed collection of new year's resolutions.  Why, almost all of them are about me! 

Begone, inner critic!  I am what I am, and I too have the right to be happy.

I am a single woman with no children and no dependents.  I'm an introvert, yes, but I don't live in a vacuum, nor do I want to.  I have a lot of love to give, and I can choose to whom to give it; and I do choose, and I do give.  But the best way I can give that love actively and usefully, the best way I can be a good friend to others, is if I am in good shape myself, mentally, emotionally and physically.  So this list, designed to help me remember to do what hakes me happiest, is not self-absorption but self-acceptance. 

I hope these resolutions will be moderately keep-able. 

Thursday, 1 January 2015

Happy New Year!

It's been an odd one, has 2014.  There was a lot of stress and disruption in my life, most of it dropped upon me out of the blue rather than wished-for or chosen by me.  There were troubles for many others, too, and for the world at large.  If I were just a tad more New Age and dippy I would say 2014 had pretty difficult vibrations.  I've often found myself wanting to be able to be a better friend to someone than I actually had the energy for, which is a sad feeling. 

There have been jolts and shocks, and losses, some of them bitter. 

But there have been good things too.  Big ones, like new friends, a new place to live, my mother's bad leg gradually improving (she's not there yet but every bit helps, as someone-or-other's adverts are fond of saying), at last making a little headway on the problems at work...  and little things; the singing wrens, the perfect roses, the fascinating lecture, the afternoon spent making damson jam...  I've written quite a lot, though I could certainly have written more if I were better organised.  I've been to a lovely wedding, and some terrific exhibitions at the Dulwich Picture Gallery and the V&A, and I've just about managed to keep up with my friends.  I've been to the coast a few times, and I've seen some very good ballet and contemporary dance and some very good films.  I've had a couple of very pleasant restful holidays, too (though I could have done with both of them being twice as long!). 

But I reach the turning of the year hoping very much that at least some of the drawn-out struggles and miseries of 2014 will be resolved in the coming months.  Here's to a year which really does bring renewed hope and life, and opportunities, and friendship, and love.  Here's to good health, physical, mental and emotional, for all my family and friends; nay, for everyone out there.  Here's to writing and drawing and singing and good books to read, and laughter, and spending time with the people you love. 

Here's to a happy new year.