Wednesday, 15 April 2015

A time of change

This has been a very strange month-and-a-bit.

In early March I finally accepted voluntary redundancy at work.  Paperwork took a while to come through, as the wheels of HR do turn exceeding slow, and consequently the official stuff wasn't actually signed till the end of March.  I am now in my notice period and I will be leaving Kew, where I've worked for the last ten years, at the end of June.  Ten years is a long chunk of a life.  It feels very strange.

Then a day or two later, feeling I had nothing to lose now, I finally told a chap I've had a roaring crush on for well over a year (& a slight crush on for a lot longer) how I feel.  I knew he was in a relationship and wasn't interested in me in that way, and he confirmed that.  He was nonetheless incredibly nice about it.  If I ever find myself (unlikely but even so) in the position of having to tell someone I like them as a person but-not-in-that-way, I now have a superb example of how to do it; with kindness, compassion, respect and even a sense of humour.  I've been rejected before, but always with the unkindness of grave embarrassment, or even with anger and disgust.  Never like this; he was just lovely about it.  I wouldn't have believed it possible if I hadn't experienced it.

Of course, the downside of that was that it made me like him even more.  It confirmed to me why it is that I've come to like him so very much.  He's intelligent and articulate and interesting, yes; but he is also a thoroughly likeable and old-fashionedly good man.  Whoever his other half is, they have a good 'un there and I hope they treasure him as much as he deserves.

Then a few days after that, and no "finally" about this one but a huge shock completely out of the blue, I was diagnosed with diabetes.

So 2015 is turning out to be a year of change and challenges.  I am determined not to be broken down by all the things that are being turned upside down; my committment to Kew, my casual assumption of my own continuing health...   I'm on a diet, and have already lost over a stone in weight; I'm on pills that should support what pancreatic function I still have left; and with an end in sight now, my stress levels at work are decreasing.  It's all very strange, though, very strange indeed.  Things have been taken from me that I had thought were entirely stable, and my world is changed utterly.

I went to the theatre tonight.  I had supper out beforehand (I am working my way through the various Superfood Salad options of the main chain restaurants; to my relief, so far most of them have turned out to be pretty good) and then I went to see The Nether, by Jennifer Haley, which has come into the West End from the Royal Court for a limited run.  This was, funnily enough, on the recommendation of my crush; and I can see why, too.  What an extraordinary and thought-provoking play, and what a brilliant piece of staging.  Although the subject matter is disturbing it's handled with immense delicacy, and it addresses some very powerful and challenging ideas.  It's on for just a couple more weeks; if you like an evening out that makes you think, rather than just entertaining you, then I recommend this highly.