It's late and I should have packed up and gone to bed. In a minute, or five, I will. But I want a little moan first, and I think I need to do some explaining, too.
I'm struggling at the moment. Ever since the 'flu I have been having terrible trouble getting to sleep, and sleeping really badly when I do. I've tried herbal teas, I've tried valerian, I've tried a bunch of other things including some I possibly shouldn't talk about in a public forum. I've read relaxing books and watched relaxing ballet and relaxing soppy movies. I've gone out, I've stayed in; gone to bed extra-early; gone to bed extra-late. No good. Work is busy and I'm post-viral tired anyway, and this is just the living end, it really is.
Then, just to cap that, I'm struggling with the writing as well. I'm working through the revising and typing up of "Gold Hawk". I had a real battle to get through chapter thirteen, in which a character I'm fond of dies; now I'm working on chapter fourteen, in which we find out about something rather important and hopefully a bit harrowing that happened five years ago.
I knew when I wrote it that the first draft for this bit really, as they say in the States, sucked. I ploughed on and did the best I could at the time, and promised myself I'd get it into shape when typing-up time came. But it is proving a real stinker. So much so that I am playing about with anything else I can find, procrastinating, trying not to face it again. I've written quite a good totally new short story (love-at-first-sight among post-apocalyptic crazy Highlanders, anyone?) in the gaps between tearing my hair over what really happened to David and Andrew Maple in the St George's Day terror attack in Cambridge. Which never happened.
I can't make up my mind whether I need to take a complete break and give myself some space, try to get my head clear, come back to this in a week or two; or whether I need to plough on, fight through it, one way or another. I can't make my mind up. And I'm tired.
Moan over. Tomorrow is Friday, which is one good thing, anyway.