...and I must scream. Or at any rate, I want to sometimes. By damn, flatshare-hunting is hellish.
I had another viewing arranged for this evening; the place was in Richmond, and it sounded okay, perhaps not as great as the one I'm still waiting on but perfectly good, and well within budget. I was meant to meet a chap from the lettings agency after work. But in the afternoon he emailed me to say he'd just let the place to someone else, sorry for the inconvenience.
Inconvenience. Yup, that's the word I was looking for.
By then I had given away my ticket to "Dialogues des Carmelites" tonight to a colleague. Who is an opera newbie. Interesting choice for a first-ever opera, I must say. I hope he enjoyed it. The state of tension I'm in, I would probably have howled my eyes out, anyway.
I've spent all evening searching online; gumtree.com, spareroom.com, rightmove.com, zoopla.com, lettings agencies, you name it. I've stared in misery at ad after mis-spelled ad; endless variations on "Nice Massive bright dbble rm in quite house, rm has furnished wth duble bed, woddrobes and draws". "Massive", judging by the accompanying photos, does not usually mean massive, though; it means something more like "O look, there was room for a woddrobe and a chair as well as the double bed we've managed to squash in somehow"...
I've even seen one where the landlord had put "Room for rent for female, as it has dressing table and a female vibe; Willing to negotiate or even go rent-free in return for companionship"...
Somehow I don't think that landlord has plump, self-possessed forty-something me in mind when he daydreams of "female vibes" and "companionship"...
And I doubt very much if he is what I have in mind when I daydream of the equivalent, either.
At any rate, I'm going boss-eyed with tiredness and haven't found anything tonight that made me feel "Yes, that would suit me nicely". I'm looking everywhere; all through an area of a four mile radius of work, i.e. cycling distance, with longer searches along the main transport routes as well. I'm not being fussy about furniture or views or en-suites, and despite my jokes above I'm not being fussy about illiteracy, either (though Mr I-want-companionship is going to be waiting a long time for my call, as I am not a Companion!).
Something's got to come up. Something, somehow, somewhere... But gods, it's depressing. Depression and tiredness start to kick in and I have to fight to remain positive. Damn it, I will not give in to expecting disaster! I will keep hoping, and I will keep looking! Something has got to come up!